Saxborne
by reeleffendeel
Summary: What do you get when you throw the world's strongest Australian into the world of Bloodborne? A nightmare's worst nightmare! OP Hale vs Bosses.
1. The Cleric Beast

**Hello fellow readers and let be the first to introduce my first ever miniseries!**

 **Now how does this separate from my other full-length crossover works? Well this story doesn't have any real story to it, it's mostly just for fun so don't expect anything grandeur. As for how I got the inspiration for this crossover? Don't ask me how; my imagination is like a freakin pinball machine!**

 **Here are some important notes before you read.**

 **-This is mostly just going to be everyone's favorite manly Australian pulverizing the infuriating bosses from Bloodborne. You guys remember that South Park episode where they had Russel Crowe beat the living shit out of everyone he met? I'm sorta paying homage to that.**

 **-Don't expect these fights to be long and detailed, Saxton is horrendously OP in the TF2 universe and this is just for giggles.**

 **-I will be doing all of the bosses from Bloodborne. Main, Optional, Chalice Dungeons and Old Hunters.**

 **-Just have fun reading it!**

 **Team Fortress 2 and Bloodborne belong to their respective owners. I do not own either of them.**

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Hunt #1

The Cleric Beast

CENTRAL YHARNAM-GREAT BRIDGE

The Hunter skidded across the cobblestone bridge like a skipping stone; battered, bloodied and beaten. He had braved most of the afflicted horrors in Yharnam but this… _beast_ was unlike anything he had encountered. Cursing his overconfidence, he could only watch as the building sized monstrosity slowly lumbered over to his prone form.

The Cleric Beast stared at his prey, sensing its shallow breathing. It raised its massive left arm over its head with the intent to smash the Hunter into a fine red mist. The Hunter closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. The beast was just about to bring its fist down upon the Hunter when it started to hear the sounds of footsteps approaching it at a brisk pace. It looked towards the archway-

" _ **SAAAAAAAAAXTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE!"**_

 _ **THWOCK**_

The beast was stuck across the face so hard that it sent most of its fangs flying and slammed into the massive gates behind it with earthshaking force! The Hunter blinked in confusion and then heard a hearty laugh.

"Well I'll be damned! That bloke was lighter than paper!"

The Hunter looked up and was greeted with the most bizarre sight he had seen in a while. Standing above him was a shirtless, mustached man with rippling muscles and wearing light brown shorts. He also wore a hat the Hunter never saw before and the man had strangely shaped chest hair. One noticeable factor the Hunter took into account was that the odd looking man had no weapons on him.

Grinning broadly, Hale looked down at the Hunter and raised an eyebrow. "Crikey! No wonder you lost to this galoot, you're as skinny as a pencil!"

The Hunter could only blink in confusion. The sound of growling alerted his attention and he whirled around to see the beast getting up with a furious look on its features.

" _ **SKRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!"**_

"You best get on outta here, mate. I like this beastie's pepper sauce!" The man said eagerly as he cracked his knuckles. Screeching again, the monster leaped high into the air with its oversized fist aimed right at its prey. As the creature plummeted down to the earth, the Hunter fled for his life while the strange man stood his ground.

For Saxton Hale, he was having the time of his life.

He quickly dived out of the way as the monster's fist crashed down into the cobblestone walkway and he followed up with a kick and snapped it's right leg! It howled in fury and pain as it swung its fist at the man, only for him to catch it with his bare and throw it over his shoulder and right into the archway! The archway crumbled atop the creature and it threw the chunks at the man, only for him to punch them right out of the air!

Saxton laughed boisterously as the creature threw itself at him again, intending to crush him with its massive fist. Just as it threw out its fist, Saxton punched it so hard that completely shattered its fingers! Saxton took advantage of it's brief confusion and jumped up on the beat's back and grabbed it by it's gnarled antlers.

"Now for my personal favorite: _**NECK SNAP**_!"

 _ **CRUNCH**_

Saxton twisted it's head 360 degrees and then leapt off of its corpse as it slumped over. As Hale walked off, it suddenly sprung up and quickly began crawling towards the Australian in a last ditch effort to kill him! Needless to say, Hale was mildly surprised to see anything survive his neck snap.

"Well…that's new." Saxton noted as he grinned. As the beast drew closer, the CEO of Mann Co. wound up his arm and when it closed the distance, he uppercutted its head off! Saxton chuckled victoriously as the head fell to the ground and its body fell over backwards.

"I think you'll fit just nicely above my fireplace!" He said eagerly as he nudged the decapitated head with his foot. He got out his mobile phone (a brick phone) and called his assistant/butler/manservant, Mr. Bidwell.

"Bidwell? It's me, Hale. I'm gonna be spendin' a bit more time here in Yarna-Yarny…whatever it's bloody called. Why? It's my vacation, Bidwell! It's not every day I get to unwind! Anyway, I'm gonna need you to send in my taxidermists; I bagged me a right tough as nails monster! But before you send em' in, tell them to wear HAZMAT suits. There's some sorta hay fever goin' around this town…"

The Hunter continued to stare in stupefied silence at what he just saw. The strange man continued to speak into the device, having seemingly forgotten about the Hunter's presence. Saxton finished his call and turned to the oddly dressed transient he saved earlier.

"Hey, mate. You wouldn't happen to know where I can find something that's more a challenge, would ya?" He asked as he pointed his thumb over to the dead carcass of the beast he had just slain.

The Hunter was unsure of how to answer that. He silently went over to the side of the bridge and pointed down to the Central Yharnam Aqueduct. Hale looked down from the bridge and saw a boar the size of a grizzly bear snacking on a fresh corpse. His eyes lit up like it was Smissmas Day!

"STREWTH! I haven't seen a boar that big since The Sydney Warthog Invasion!" Saxton gasped in excitement. "Good on ya, mate! I'll be sure to sign you up for our Elite Customer Service! Might be able to get you some better weapons than those gardening tools you're usin'!" He said ecstatically as he pointed to the Hunter's Saw Cleaver.

Saxton jumped off the bridge to the Hunter's shock and he plummeted down towards the Maneater Boar that had just enough to look up!

" _Oink?"_

" **I'M HAVING PORK CUTLETS TONIGHT!"**

To be continued…

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 **Stay tuned for more hunts, folks! Hale's just getting started!**

 **Don't forget to review but please don't flame.**


	2. Father Gascoigne

**Anybody else have a hard time with Gascoigne first time around? Hopefully this makes you feel better!**

 **Review Time!**

 **Delta Prime2: Thank you very much; your compliments are greatly appreciated!**

 **Thelordofmango: That's an idea but I'm only focusing on the bosses.**

 **Team Fortress 2 and Bloodborne belong to their respective owners. I do not own either of them.**

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Hunt #2

Father Gascoigne

CENTRAL YHARNAM-TOMB OF OEDON

Hale whistled the theme of Indiana Jones to himself just as he finished beating up a pair of lanky-looking wolfmen who tried (heavy emphasis on tried) to ambush him.

' _Bloody wolfmen.'_ Hale thought to himself. Never in his life did Hale ever think that he would get the chance to fight wolfmen, werewolves, giant crows, legless zombies or trolls for that matter. Just earlier, one of them rolled a giant flaming wicker basket at him only for the Australian to kick it right back at him like a soccer ball (hence why he was whistling the theme to himself)!

Needless to say, Saxton Hale was greatly enjoying his vacation so far. He wasn't sure what to make of the angry mobs that kept attacking him but if they wanted to pick a fight, that was their decision. Hale spotted some stars and went up, coming up to a large graveyard that looked right at home in a horror movie.

His ears picked up the sound of rhythmic chopping and walked through the graveyard until he came upon a man hacking apart the corpse of one of the mob members while breathing heavily. Hale immediately noticed that the man was similarly dressed to the one he met earlier, though he had a large axe instead of a saw, wore a wide-brimmed hat and a white scarf. The man seemed to notice Saxton's presence and stopped chopping.

"Oh! G'day, mate! Don't let me stop you from doin'…whatever you're doin'." Hale greeted.

"…Beasts all over the shop…." The man spoke in a gravelly voice.

"I know, right? Your town's got a proper infestation of monsters, mate. But luckily for you, a genuine professional Hunter just so happen to stroll into your dreary little burg! I already took care of a big one earlier-"

"…You'll be one of them, sooner or later…"

Hale blinked. "Be one of them? What does that mea-"

The man turned around to reveal that his eyes were covered by strips of gauze and scraggly hair. Then he let out a throaty growl, steam coming from his mouth as he bared his pointed canines. Hale was immediately cautious. "Hey, are you alright, mate? Do you have whatever hay fever the other folk-"

 _PAKOOOM_

The man whipped out a blunderbuss at shot at Saxton who had just enough time to jump out of the way of the shot as it destroyed a tree behind him. The madman ran up to Hale and swung his large axe at him. As he continued to swing his weapon at the Australian; the Mann Co. CEO figured that this guy was just as addled minded as the others.

Dodging another blast from the blunderbuss, Hale closed the distance and backfisted the psycho across the face. He grabbed the blunderbuss with his free hand, crushed it in half in his grip and booted the man away from him.

Father Gascoigne grimaced and extended his Hunter Axe. He swung it at the shirtless man who instantly grabbed it, Judo chopped it in half and then followed up with a headbutt that broke Gascoigne's nose. He staged backwards, clutching bleeding nose as a wave of madness overtook him.

"…What's that smell-"

 _ **WHOCK**_

Hale ran over and did a flying dropkick to his chest, collapsing both of his lungs and sending him flying into a wall which crumbled apart and buried him beneath heavy debris.

"That's the smell of my boots voiding your bowels, ya wanker!" Hale laughed. Having taken care of another threat to his vacation, Hale saw another flight of stairs leading up to another area and began to make his way towards them. But then he started to hear the rubble shift and turned around just in time to see the rubble explode outwards to reveal the towering, hunched over form of the man that tried to kill him, now a slobbering wolfman!

" _ **GRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHH!"**_

"HOLY DOOLEY!"

The monster that was previously Father Gascoinge threw itself at Hale, attempting to eviscerate him with its razor-sharp claws! Halve dived out of the way of its swipes and slammed his fist into it's side, the audible cracking sound of its ribs filling the air. Opening its fang filled maw, the beast attempted to bite his head off only for Hale to grab it by the jaws, swing it around and threw him into the statue in the center of the graveyard.

Hale rushed over and, with the expertise and finesse of a boxer, he pummeled the monster left and right across the face as he swiftly dodged its claw swipes. Hale did a sweeping kick that knocked the monster to the ground and then got it in a headlock and started slamming his fist into the side of its head! After 20 more punches, Hale threw the dazed beast away like a sack of dirty laundry and grabbed a tombstone that had been dislodged from the ground during the fight.

Hale then swung the tombstone across it's ugly mug!

 _THRACK_

"REST!"

 _THRACK_

"IN!"

 _THRACK_

" _ **PEACE!"**_

 _ **THWAM**_

Hale slammed the tombstone over the creature's head; caving in its skull and finally killing it for good. Dropping the shattered tombstone aside, hale wiped the sweat off his brow. It was another successful hunt in the bag. But something about what the crazy man had said earlier was still fresh in Saxton's mind.

What exactly did he mean by 'become one of them'? Come to think of it, many of the loonies he met along the way had unusual facial hair and looked more animal than human. The wolfmen also wore the same clothing the mobs had too. Then it all fell into place. The wolves must've had some kind of spontaneous evolutionary change and were now reshaping their bodies to look like humans and disguise themselves amongst the populace!

Hale shook his head. Maybe that sounded a little bit too ridiculous even for him but just to be absolutely sure…

Hale took out his phone as he went up the stairs. "Bidwell? It's me, Hale again. No, no, everything's just dandy but I need you to do a background check on all of our employees and customers, they might be wolves in disguise. Don't ask me how or why, just do it."

To be continued…

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 **I know some of you are expecting Hale to fight Vicar Amelia but he's going to fight against 3 optional bosses before he gets to her! Which one will be next on Hale's chopping block? The Witch of Hemwick? The Blood Starved Beast? Darkbeast Paarl? Find out next time!**

 **Don't forget to review but please don't flame.**


	3. The Blood-Starved Beast

**You all knew I was gonna do this boss too. I speak for all of us when I say I HATED this boss but that what makes this chapter all the sweeter.**

 **Review Time!**

 **An Indulgent Fellow: Thank you so much. This series was in need of good comedy.**

 **The Question. I will begin MHA Demonic Invasion after doing multiple playthroughs of Doom Eternal when it comes out. I am starting work on the first chapter of The Emerald Goliath.**

 **Dracus7: I do not do challenges or requests, please leave and actual review for my story next time.**

 **Team Fortress 2 and Bloodborne belong to their respective owners. I do not own either of them.**

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Hunt #3

The Blood-Starved Beast

OLD YHARNAM-CURCH OF THE GOOD CHALICE

Saxton Hale stared up at the decrepit cathedral before him. Smelling the strong scent of blood that come from within the structure, Saxton strolled towards it while leaving behind another mass slaughter of vertically challenged wolfmen that foolishly attempted to impede his vacation.

Stepping inside the church, he spotted the body of another Hunter he fought. There was a large crack on the ground around the body like he fell from a great height. Earlier when he came to this section of the city, a Hunter from atop a tower demanded that Hale leave immediately. Obviously the Australian didn't listen and the Hunter started to fire a Gatling gun at him from his position.

Hale had to plow his way through tiny wolfmen, pulverize the other Hunter guarding the tower, scale said tower and when the Hunter tried to attack him with a pile bunker on his arm, Hale instantly grabbed him by the neck and flung him off the tower; sending him plummeting to his doom.

Walking past the body and deeper into the cathedral, Hale never noticed the dark shape lurking above the rafters as it silently followed him while leaving behind a small trail of poisonous saliva behind Hale as it stalked him. It leapt from its position down towards Hale; ready to sink it's fangs into his neck-

 _ **BICYCLE KICK!**_

Hale kicked the unseen foe across the church and right into an altar at the far end, kicking up a cloud of dust! Hale folded his arms and laughed. "You plunker! You thought you could sneak up on me? HA! Howler monkeys are quieter than you!"

The dust settled to reveal the form of Hale's attacker. It was a grotesque, horribly emaciated beast with rotting fur and a visible ribcage. It stood on spindly legs while its equally skeletal arms ended in nasty-looking claws. Its face was a horrifying skull-like visage with jagged, snaggletoothed fangs dripping with viscous saliva. It's most disturbing feature was the skin on its' back had been partially peeled off to reveal its spinal cord and was now draped over the monster's face like a makeshift cloak.

"Crikey! You're an ugly blighter, ain't ya?"

The Blood-Starved Beast howled in response and leaped toward hale with its claws outstretched. Hale dodged the frenzied swipes of the creature, taking note that it was _extremely_ fast. It lunged at Hale in an attempt to bite his head off but he punched it right across the jaw, shattering it and leaving it dangling uselessly.

Snarling in pain, the beast swiped at Hale again who dodged but got nicked in the arm. It swung at him faster and faster and Hale soon had scratches all over his body. If the monster could, it would've smiled. The poison was no doubt rotting his insides and making him weaker. It grabbed him with both hands, its claws digging into his skin. It was about to sink its upper fangs into the man's face when his arms suddenly shot up, snagged it by its two larger teeth and ripped them out of the sockets! Screaming in rage, the Blood-Starved Beast unleashed a cloud of highly potent venom from his body and charged him while screeching wildly.

" _ **HRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"**_

Hale, ignoring the cloud of poison around the beast, surged forward and attacked it while using its fangs as makeshift daggers. Normally, anybody would quickly die from inhaling the toxic mist the beast secreted. But Saxton Hale was no ordinary man.

He slashed away at the creature like a jolly berserker as the beast was backed into a corner! Hale then stabbed the daggers into its chest and lifted him up over his head! He then flung it into a stone column and the monster crumpled to the ground. The Blood-Starved Beast looked at the man with visible confusion on its features.

"Surprised? I've been bitten by every poisonous animal under the sun, Ugly. I've built up _an immunity_!" Hale proudly proclaimed.

Refusing to admit defeat, the beast attack again; swinging its claws downward at Hale who dodged and then stabbed the teeth into its hands, pinning them to the ground. As the beast struggled to free itself, Hale punched it square in the face and jumped up onto it's back where he then grabbed its exposed spine!

 _RRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPP_

Hale pulled out it's spine with a mighty heave and the beast went limp! Hale stood triumphantly on its corpse, the poison having completely left his system. Hale hopped off its body as he chucked the spine away. He looked over the dead creature as he rubbed his chin.

"Hmmmmm….Nah. You'd make a terrible rug." He said. Hale was just about to leave when he noticed something sitting on the altar at the far end of the church. He walked over to the altar and saw a simple, engraved chalice made of faded gold resting upon it. Hale picked it up and inspected it. He wasn't sure why but he felt and urge to collect it. Stuffing it into his pocket, Hale exited the church and went off to search for another challenging hunt.

To be continued…

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 **And now we catch our first glimpse of the Chalice Dungeons! We all know how easily Hale will breeze through them but will still be enjoyable nonetheless!**

 **Don't forget to review but please don't flame.**


	4. The Witch of Hemwick

**How's it going, folks?**

 **I'm sorry that it took this long to update, I've been really busy as of late.**

 **Review Time!**

 **Theoneandonlylordmonkeyknight: Let's be honest, this is something we wished we could do in the game.**

 **Super heavy weapons guy: We always wanted to see OP characters defeat the toughest bosses From Software has thrown and us and Saxton Hale just seemed like the perfect fit!**

 **Ronmr: Thanks!**

 **A Reader, You're very welcome, there's still more to come.**

 **Team Fortress 2 and Bloodborne belong to their respective owners. I do not own either of them.**

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Hunt #4

The Witch of Hemwick

HEMWICK CHARNEL LANE

"HA HA HA HA HAA!"

 _SWOCK_

Grabbing the executioner's axe mid-swing, Hale performed a downward chop upon it's skull that ended its life swiftly and _painfully._ He had taken a detour on his route to this so-called "Healing Church" and came upon this dreary little burg. He had to brawl his way through musket toting townspeople and zombie dogs with blades sticking out of them to get here but he had a jolly good fight with them.

He finally arrived at a decrepit village and became embroiled in another skirmish with more crazy mobs, this time it was crazy old women. After taking care of another group of lumbering executioners, he walked up a hill to a rickety old cabin where 20 or so hags came out to "greet" him; brandishing torches, sickles, meat cleavers, wooden mallets and red-hot soldering irons.

"Alright, which one of you old biddies wants to tussle with Hale?" He taunted as he flexed his muscles. Screeching insanely, the frenzied group of madwomen charged towards him and…it was over in seconds. You can guess what happened.

Entering the abode, he instantly leapt forward and stomped on a bizarre looking creature that looked like a ball of feet, hair and skulls. Peeling what was left of it off of his soles, Hale plucked the odd looking shard of gemstone imbedded within the critter. He chucked the useless trinket over his shoulder and descended down the stairs.

Hale kicked open the heavy wooden door and entered a large room with a cobblestone floor and a bridge-like construct in the middle of the room. He heard the door ominously close behind him and locked itself. Hale readied himself for an ambush when his nose began to pick up the scent of rot and mildew. He looked up and saw hundreds of bodies suspended from the ceiling via rope and they were all wrapped up in burlap sacks. The most noticeable feature about them was the fact that the bodies were _missing their eyes._

"Jeepers creepers…" Hale whispered. He never noticed a cloaked wretch wearing the eyes of her victims across her hunched back sneaking up on him! The Witch raised her scalping knife, ready to gouge out her prey's eyeballs-

"WHERE'D YA GET THOSE PEEPERS?!"

 _HWUNCH_

Hale spun around and drove his fist right into the Witch's noggin so hard that it buried her head into her body! A pair of angry screaming altered his attention and Saxton turned around to see two more of them on the bridge with furious looks on their haggard faces. Raising their arms into the air, they summoned swirling masses of red colored magic from the ground. Dozens of tall, ashen black ghouls with glowing white eyes and armed with curved, rusty sickles emerged forth and began lurching towards him.

Hale narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "So you spinsters are gonna let your lackeys do all the work for ya instead of facing me head on? That's just _unsporting_."

With a mighty yell, he threw himself at the approaching horde, his fists smashing their spindly limbs apart like they were glass! He dodged every swing, every grab and every swipe of the monsters as he practically became a whirlwind of boisterous fury.

The twin Witches stared in horror as their servants were ripped to shreds. It soon dawned on the two of them that they didn't lock him in here with them; _they were locked in with him_! Panicking, the Witches ran over to their deceased sister to get the key to the door off of her-

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

The Witches turned around to see the bare-chested man leap at them like a demonic panther!

Several seconds later, Hale walked out of the hut dragging along the corpses of the Witches, their bodies looking like they had been though a trash compactor. Tossing them away, Hale looked around the dilapidated town with all of the bodies impaled on stakes littered around. He shook his head and decided that he had stayed here long enough.

"Worst bloody retirement community I've ever seen." He commented as he left.

To be continued…

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 **Apologies again for the wait!**

 **Don't forget to review but please don't flame.**


	5. Darkbeast Paarl

**This ain't no April Fool's joke, it's fo real!**

 **Review Time!**

 **Super heavy weapons guy: Always happy to be back!**

 **Dracus7: As I have previously stated before, I do not do requests. If you continue to persist, then you will be ignored.**

 **Great chap: Thanks and the fights are meant to showcase how OP Hale is and I did want to make this a miniseries.**

 **Team Fortress 2 and Bloodborne belong to their respective owners. I do not own either of them.**

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Hunt #5

Darkbeast Paarl

HYPOGEAN GAOL

Emerging from the secret exit, the Snatcher ran as fast as he could to escape. How did things go so horribly wrong?! He and the others had gotten word of a shirtless man tearing his way through Yharnam and somebody with strength like that would be perfect for The School of Mensis.

Since the man was already on his way to the Hypogean Gaol, the plan was relatively simple: he and 10 of his brothers would ambush him, wear him down with their combined might and bring him to the school.

At least that's how it was supposed to go. The man had utterly destroyed the others and he was the only one smart enough to drop his sack and run. Hopping down into an open area with the skeletal remains of a beast curled up in a corner, the Snatcher saw a large set of doors at the other end and ran toward it-

 _TOOOOMPF_

Only for the implacable monster himself to land right in front of him like he just descended from the sky! The Snatcher backpedaled away in terror and the man dusted himself off.

"Y'now, I never had anyone try to kidnap me before. You and your mates are either the bravest blokes I've met or the dumbest." Hale said as he slowly walked towards him. "Tell you what, you point out where I can find some quality prey for me to bag and I'll let you go with only a few lumps."

 _KAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPP_

A bolt of lightning suddenly slammed into the Snatcher and sent it flying into a wall, leaving nothing but a smoldering imprint and a pile of ashes. Looking to his left, Hale saw the skeletal remains of a monster rise up, its bony blue-furred body crackling with electricity!

"Conserve your energy, static cling." Hale mocked. "Cause you're gonna need every bleedin' volt!"

" _ **KRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKK!"**_

The beast crawled towards Hale and lashed out with its bony claw. Hale responded by grabbing its hand and throwing it over his shoulder! Crashing to the ground, the beast quickly recovered only for Hale to do a flying kick to its teeth! Grabbing one of its ragged tufts of hair, Hale lassoed himself to the back of the beast's spine and began to ride it like a bull as it wildly tried to buck Hale off!

Seething with anger at the humiliation he was enduring, Paarl unleashed a burst of electricity that knocked the man off of him and he grabbed the man his clutches. He channeled his electrical powers and began to electrocute his foe, increasing the voltage with every passing second! Paarl relished in the man's screams of agony as he applied more pressure to his grip, as well as added voltage.

"GYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA _ **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**_ _!_ _**IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!**_ " Hale laughed with near-maniacal glee!

Hale instantly wrestled himself from the monster's grasp, jumped towards its face and head-butted it with enough force to cave the frontal part of its skull inwards. Landing onto the ground, he ran to one of it's legs and punched it into splinters! The creature toppled over but Hale ran behind it and grabbed its spine where he proceeded to fold it like it was a freaking accordion!

With a mighty yell, Hale ripped the monster in half and chucked its upper half over a nearby railing, sending its torso spiraling into a seemingly bottomless precipice. Hale breathed a sigh of relief, satisfied with another successful kill. He spotted his reflection in a nearby puddle and saw that his moustache was frizzy from all of the electricity. Hale took out a miniature comb from his pocket and groomed it back to his former glory. Smiling approvingly, Hale left the area and resumed his highly eventful vacation.

To be continued…

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 **The static cling quote Hale said was a reference to Evil Dead: Regeneration for the PS2. Good times!**

 **Don't forget to review but please don't flame.**


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